killmoms

Why “killmoms?”

The question I get asked most frequently these days by people who don’t know me is “So… uh… interesting username. Where’d that come from?” The subtext of this question is, of course, “You freak.”

First, allow me to explain what “killmoms” isn’t.

• It’s not a command. I’d rather you didn’t go out and start killing moms. I’m not a lawyer, but I’m under the impression that matricide is illegal in most places on this planet.
• It’s not a statement of personal profession. I do not kill moms. I don’t kill much of anything, for that matter.
• It’s not an expression of anger towards my OWN mother, who is a wonderful woman. (Nice try though, Freud.)
• It doesn’t indicate a personal belief that mothers in general are bad (they aren’t), or that I hate children (I don’t).

Okay, so that’s what it isn’t. But what is “killmoms?” After all, that’s why you’re here on this page. Or maybe it isn’t—maybe you were looking for horse porn, in which case you’re in the wrong place and should leave now.

“killmoms” is an object lesson in the dangers of fully automated processes, and serves as a chilling (and hilarious) indictment of technology’s innate heartlessness. Or perhaps it’s just an example of a lack of foresight on the part of my parents, though that’s probably a bit of a stretch.

Simply, “killmoms” was the username assigned to me by my college’s computer system. The algorithm for determining usernames there assembled them by taking up to six letters of a person’s surname and then attaching their first and middle initials. More often than not, this would result in a mostly unpronouncable amalgam of letters, a surname cut off and followed by sounds no human could utter.

But occasionally (and more often with those whose surnames were more than six letters long), the system would create a word or two, leading to some rather amusing e-mail addresses. They could range from the whimsical “campbeep” to the ironically racist “chinks,” owned by a poor Chinese girl who neither asked for nor deserved it. In my case, it came out as “killmoms.” This was a source of much amusement for my friends, and it had some notable benefits—good icebreaker, easy to remember, made for a funny story. It became a real life nickname. Eventually, I just decided to roll with it.

It also helped that no one else would want this domain name, ever.

Filed by matt at October 30th, 2006 under Uncategorized